


for you

by strawbbun



Series: ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ateez ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ [5]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blink and you'll miss it, Bottom! Seonghwa, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Friends With Benefits, Hongjoong is "straight", Hongjoong was soft for like .2 seconds, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sub! Seonghwa, idk - Freeform, there's kind of a plot??, toxic relationships kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:16:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18295736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawbbun/pseuds/strawbbun
Summary: Seonghwa doesn't know why he lets Hongjoong kiss sweet nothings onto his skin, but tear him down once the sun rises.





	1. the way you touch me's like

**Author's Note:**

> the world needs a lil' more bottom seonghwa
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> i'm still sorta new to writing smut,, so bare with me okay 
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> hope you enjoy, loves 

It was times like these when their chests were pressed against each others', heartbeat's synching through their clothes that reminded Seonghwa why he stayed. When Hongjoong would grip his hips tightly as he rutted against him, bodies sweaty and breaths uneven. When Hongjoong would leave marks on his body that reminded Seonghwa of the night before, disappearing only for Hongjoong to add new ones the next night. When Hongjoong would whisper onto his skin how beautiful he looked underneath him, or how good he felt. Seonghwa stayed because all of that gave him a reason.

Seonghwa doesn't know why he does this to himself. He doesn't know why he stills plays this push and pull game with Hongjoong when Hongjoong was only pushing. Seonghwa doesn't know why he lets Hongjoong kiss sweet nothings onto his skin, but tear him down once the sun rises. Seonghwa doesn't know why.

When he would wake up, still sore from the events before and Hongjoong would rush him out, despite the slight limp that Seonghwa carried due to Hongjoong's roughness. When Seonghwa would say hi to Hongjoong on campus, only to receive a glare that shut him up for the rest of the day. And despite that, Seonghwa would find himself naked on Hongjoong's bed that same night, willing to give all of him.

He was so stupid for letting Hongjoong to treat him like shit and still drop to his knees at Hongjoong's every call. Stupid for eating up the lies Hongjoong would spill when the stars were out. And he was so, _so_ stupid for letting himself melt in Hongjoong's soft touches and caresses. For letting himself _fall_ for Hongjoong.

So stupid for staying.

* * *

"Fuck, Seonghwa. Look at you, so beautiful, all for me," Hongjoong whispered into Seonghwa's mouth as he tightened his hand around the older's neck, biting his lower lip.

"All for you," Seonghwa breathed out, back arching prettily as Hongjoong angled himself, oh, so perfectly. He saw Hongjoong smile, almost affectionally through his hooded eyes as the younger held Seonghwa's hands above his head, speeding up his thrusts.

"Think you can cum just like this?" Hongjoong softly spoke into Seonghwa's ear, kissing right underneath it; Seonghwa's most sensitive spot. Seonghwa gasped out quietly as he nodded. "Words, love,"

"Yes, yes. Don't stop, please," Seonghwa's voice was so strained and needy as he threw his head back, getting lost in the feeling of Hongjoong inside of him. "Kiss me,"

Hongjoong wasted no time in connecting their lips, sweaty skin against each others', his hand squeezing around Seonghwa's neck (not enough to hurt him though) and that's what took Seonghwa over the edge. His entire vision went white as he came with a silent moan, shooting thick ropes onto his stomach, making a mess between the two. He was so lost in all of the sensations that he didn't realize that Hongjoong had pulled out, pumping himself.

"Can you lend me your mouth, sweetheart?" Hongjoong asked as he stroked Seonghwa's cheek, the older's mouth falling open on instinct. Hongjoong leaned down to peck him one last time before crawling up his body, dick resting on Seonghwa's bottom lip, giving Seonghwa no time to inhale before Hongjoong filled Seonghwa's mouth, thrusting into the warm and wet heat.

A moan left Hongjoong's lip and Seonghwa assumed that he was close, swallowing around him, despite his jaw still being a bit sore from earlier that day. "I'm gonna cum down your throat. Can you swallow it all for me?"

Seonghwa did his best to nod as Hongjoong continued to thrust in and out of his mouth, saliva spilling down his chin. Hongjoong gripped Seonghwa's hair, Seonghwa trying his best to not hiss at the sting. A loud groan was the only warning that Seonghwa got before Hongjoong shot his seed down his throat, the salty taste filling his mouth. Seonghwa tried his best to swallow it, even though some dripped out the sides of his mouth. Hongjoong rode out his orgasm before pulling out, Seonghwa gasping for air.

The younger rolled off to the side of Seonghwa, the two trying their best to come down from their highs. It was quiet for a while, almost peaceful, the only sounds being their slowed breathing. Seonghwa was actually _happy_ for a moment until Hongjoong spoke up.

"You can't stay the night. My roommates coming back home in a few hours," Hongjoong simply told Seonghwa, oblivious to the way the older's heart dropped.

"Okay," was all that Seonghwa could force himself to say, voice still sore from being used. He couldn't tell Hongjoong that he didn't care if his roommate found out about them. he wanted to tell Hongjoong that he just wanted to be held tonight. How he wanted to hold Hongjoong's hand while they slept. How wanted to hold his hand while they were _awake_. But that could never happen because Seonghwa was only Hongjoong's toy.

The older slowly sat up, body aching at how rough Hongjoong was tonight. He could feel Hongjoong's eyes on him as he got dressed, it being a struggle to not hiss at every movement. Hongjoong must've noticed the way Seonghwa was moving as he sat up. "Are you okay? Was I too rough?"

Seonghwa shook his head, blinking away the tears brimming his eyes. He wanted to scream that _no,_ he was not okay but kept his mouth shut. Things usually go smoother like that. "Goodnight, Hongjoong," Seonghwa spoke quietly, just above a whisper as he made his way to leave the room. Right as his hand touched the knob, Hongjoong called out to him.

"Wait, Seonghwa. I-" Hongjoong cut himself off once Seonghwa looked at him. He looked so _broken_. The hickies that scattered his neck, the tear tracks on his cheeks, the messy hair. Hongjoong would admit that he felt guilty for a second, but before a blink of an eye, his walls were back up. "Nevermind. Goodnight, Seonghwa. See you tomorrow?"

Seonghwa wanted to tell Hongjoong to not even bother because every night was the same, but Seonghwa was so _stupid_. "See you tomorrow, Hongjoong,"


	2. a curse that can't be broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And there it goes. The sweet words that Hongjoong spoke that never fails to remind Seonghwa why he fell for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i was orignially gonna keep it on an angsty note (not saying that this chapter isn't angsty) but i felt like we all needed some closure, so here's this :)) hope you enjoy    
>  (and yes, i'm usuing seonghwa's new grey hair because it looks so good on him okay continue 

"Seonghwa?" They grey-haired boy tore his eyes away from the sight, turning back to his close friend Yunho who had been talking to him. "Are you okay? You seem kind of out of it?"

Seonghwa shook his head, pulling his beanie down further in an attempt to make himself seem less noticeable. "I'm fine," he replied, glancing back over to Hongjoong who sat on the other side of the courtyard with a girl in his lap, lips pressed against each others'. "Yeah, I'm fine," Seonghwa repeated more for himself, giving Yunho his best fake smile. Maybe if he kept saying it, it would become a reality. Yunho frowned, seeing right through Seonghwa.

"You can talk to me, y'know. I'm always there if you need me," Yunho rested his hand on top of Seonghwa's in a comforting manner. Seonghwa nodded half-heartedly, trying to keep himself together. He couldn't tell Yunho. He'd just have to forget what he saw, just like every other time.

* * *

"So, you and that Gunho guy, huh?" Hongjoong asked, tone dry as he watched Seonghwa take off his shoes. Seonghwa made eye contact with Hongjoong to see his arms tucked into the pockets of his sweats, eyes locked onto Seonghwa's.

"You mean Yunho? No, we're just friends," Seonghwa explained, voice a bit smaller than he intended. He wanted to bring up the girl that Hongjoong was with, but voted against it. Last time that had happened, Hongjoong hadn't been too happy. Seonghwa learned to never talk about it again. A small smile crossed Hongjoong's face and he backed Seonghwa up against the wall, hands on the older's hips.

"Good, because you're all mine. Don't forget that. Got it, baby boy?" Hongjoong whispered lowly, hand reached up to drag his thumb across Seonghwa's bottom lip. Seonghwa nodded obediently. "Good boy."

Hongjoong crashed his lips against Seonghwa's, the older kissing back unconsciously. He just couldn't fall into his headspace right now. Seonghwa couldn't get that scene out of his head. Why couldn't he have been the one kissing Hongjoong for everyone to see? Why didn't Hongjoong want him?

Seonghwa didn't notice that Hongjoong had pulled away once he realized that the older hadn't been kissing back as eagerly as usual. "What's wrong, Seonghwa?" Hongjoong's voice brought Seonghwa back to the moment. He just wasn't in the mood today, but he didn't want to disappoint Hongjoong. He didn't want Hongjoong to leave him.

"Nothing. Just keep going," Seonghwa tugged Hongjoong's shirt for him to take it off, but Hongjoong stayed put, brows furrowed. "Hongjoong please, just take it off," Seonghwa's voice was getting desperate. He just wanted to get this over with so that he could go home and not have to think too much.

"Seonghwa, if you're not up to it, we don't have to do it tonight," Seonghwa wanted to tell Hongjoong that he didn't want him to replace him, but he couldn't find the words. "Seriously. I'm not going to force you into doing anything you don't want to."

_I want you to distract me, Hongjoong._

"I want you, Hongjoong."

Why could he never say what he meant? Why was he so afraid? Hongjoong hesitated for a moment, still trying to figure Seonghwa out. "Are you sure?"

Seonghwa licked his lips before dropping to his knees, looking up at Hongjoong. "Use me,"

* * *

Seonghwa didn't know how he got here. He didn't know how he found himself tucked into Hongjoong's chest, the younger tracing shapes onto his bare back, occasionally pressing kisses to his forehead. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. This wasn't a part of the deal.

Hongjoong held him tightly, body heat surrounding the both of them as their breaths filled in the quiet. "You did so well today," Hongjoong mumbled into Seonghwa's hair. What was this? Hongjoong never praised Seonghwa after sex, usually opting to go straight to sleep after cleaning up. Seonghwa didn't know how to respond. Isn't this what he wanted? 

Seonghwa chose to pretend to be asleep to avoid the situation. Why couldn't Hongjoong just kick him out so Seonghwa doesn't have to feel these things? He didn't want his heart to beat out of his chest at every word that left Hongjoong's mouth. He didn't want to feel the sudden urge to just hug Hongjoong and never let go. He didn't want to feel anymore.

A jingle of keys snapped the two out of the moment, Seonghwa's body tensing up. This was the part where Hongjoong kicked him out, right? Seonghwa opened his eyes, slowly pulling away from Hongjoong to get ready to leave, but all Hongjoong did was pull him back. "You don't have to go,"

Seonghwa's heart stopped at the words. "Why?" was all that he could manage at the moment. Hongjoong was quiet for a moment as the footsteps passed his room.

"I want you to stay. Will you stay for me?"

And there it goes. The sweet words that Hongjoong spoke that never fails to remind Seonghwa why he fell for him.

Why he still stays.

* * *

A light shaking woke Seonghwa up from his sleep. This bed was too big and too warm for it to be his own. Where was he? And then it all came back to him. He stayed.

"Seonghwa, wake up. You need to shower and eat," Hongjoong's soft voice filled Seonghwa's ears. The older blinked his eyes open to see Hongjoong leaning over him, hair went and dressed for the day. This was a new sight, almost domestic. 

Seonghwa rubbed his eyes and he heard Hongjoong laugh a bit fondly. "C'mon, Hwa. Classes start in an hour," _Hwa_. Hongjoong called him Hwa.

"M'kay," Seonghwa replied, voice clouded with sleep. Hongjoong ran his fingers through Seonghwa's hair as he sat up, blankets falling around his bare waist.

"There's clothes in the bathroom for you to change into. Don't take too long," Seonghwa nodded, still confused and sleepy, but despite all that, he felt safe.

* * *

They ate in silence, Hongjoong occasionally glancing at him as if he wanted to check on him. Seonghwa was more aware now that he was awake. Why was Hongjoong acting like this? 

"If you want, I can drive you to campus. I don't think you'd want to walk after last night," Hongjoong offered, no hint of teasing in his voice. Sincerity. Seonghwa looked over to Hongjoong. This was new. Seonghwa was beginning to wish that Hongjoong had just kicked him out so that he wouldn't have to face him. So he wouldn't have to face his feelings.

"Okay," Seonghwa kept it short. He didn't want to grow more attached than he already was because deals like this always came to an end. Nothing lasts forever.

* * *

It was in the middle of Seonghwa's last lecture of the night, the time nearing 9:07 p.m when he got a text from Hongjoong. Seonghwa didn't know what to expect. This morning had been so different; so different that Seonghwa was being to have hope. Hope that they could be something.

But as before, nothing lasts forever

> **hongjoong**

> see you tonight? 

And Seonghwa was still, oh, so stupid.

> **seonghwa**

> see you tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet you guys were expecting a happy ending hahahahaimsosorryhahaah
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> thank you for reading and let me know what you think <3 bye bye 


	3. but it hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've decided to continue this pls don't hate me for leaving you guys on that last chapter hfjdkgdsj im s o r r y anyways enjoy <33 
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> (chapter names are from "soren" by beabadoobee <3) 

"You're so beautiful" Hongjoong mumbled onto a brand new love bite on his thigh making Seonghwa shudder. His entire body was on fire, skin prickling with every touch that Hongjoong left on his body. Those words, those words that Hongjoong spoke never failed to tie the rope further around Seonghwa's limbs to keep him from running. 

"H-Hongjoong, p-please, I want..." Seonghwa trailed off as Hongjoong kissed up and down his thighs, admiring how golden and smooth his skin was.

"Hm? What do you want, baby? You gotta use your words," Hongjoong teasingly spoke as he reached up to lightly drag his nails down Seonghwa's stomach making him whine. He hated when Hongjoong teased.

"I want- I want you to t-touch me, please. Please, Hongjoong," Seonghwa breathed out, tangling his fingers in Hongjoong's hair, the younger kissing around his belly button.

"Where do you want me to touch you, kitten?" Seonghwa nearly mewled at the simple pet name, almost forgetting to answer Hongjoong's question. His whole body was vibrating out of anticipation and want. 

"Here," Seonghwa blushed brightly as he pointed to his hole making Hongjoong smile and climb up Seonghwa's body to connect their lips. Hongjoong's breath was hot and he tasted like cinnamon. Seonghwa couldn't get enough of it. Hongjoong pulled away, only a bit, Seonghwa following his lips making Hongjoong chuckle at his cuteness.

"What's the magic word, baby boy?" Hongjoong whispered, breath fanning over Seonghwa's lips.

"Please, please Hongjoong, I need it, please," Seonghwa rambled, growing impatient as he wiggled his hips. Hongjoong pecked his lips one last time before placing Seonghwa's legs over his shoulders. He looked so pretty like this.

"Look at you, already so wrecked and I haven't even touched you yet. Do you want it that much, kitten?" "Yes, I need it. _I need you, Hongjoong_ "

* * *

Seonghwa had a lump in his throat. All the words he wanted to say were clumped inside of him like molasses and everything he wanted to say could ruin all of this. All of Hongjoong's kisses and praises, soft touches and intoxicating sound; all of that could just vanish and the thought _scared_ Seonghwa. He _needed_ Hongjoong, not just sexually, but mentally, to the point where it was almost unhealthy. He was so attached and he didn't want to even think about what would happen if Hongjoong let go.

"Red," Seonghwa spoke, voice shaky and uncertain. Hongjoong immediately stopped marking up Seonghwa's neck, quick to find Seonghwa's eyes. Hongjoong stroked Seonghwa's bare skin, slowly but surely bringing Seonghwa back to reality. The older was visibly shaking, eyes glazed with tears. Seonghwa felt a sob climb up his throat, releasing his words in tears. He didn't know why he was crying. He couldn't think. His mind was foggy and Hongjoong being here didn't help clear it at all. He just wanted to be held.

"Seonghwa, what's wrong? Hongjoong looked panicked as he cradled Seonghwa's face. Seonghwa hated this. Subspace should be his safe place where he felt loved and wanted, not scared of being abandoned and used. He didn't want _this_. He could feel the months of no aftercare building up in his chest and he felt as if he was about to break. He hated this so, so much. "I need you to talk to me, Hwa,"

"I-" Seonghwa managed to choke out, voice feeling restricted.

"What is it? You're doing so well. Tell me what's wrong. What do you need?"

"I... I d-don't know," Hongjoong looked so conflicted, unsure of what to do. This has never happened before. He should've been prepared should've been able to read Seonghwa, but he never actually spent the time to try to learn about him. He just wanted him and Hongjoong felt his heart drop at the realization.

Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa into his chest, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa's trembling figure, bare skin against bare skin. This was a different kind of touch. Not for pleasure, but something they both needed. They could feel each other's heartbeats and Seonghwa could feel Hongjoong's hands shaking. This was different and Seonghwa could feel it. He felt himself calming down as Hongjoong pressed light kisses into his hair, massaging the small of Seonghwa's back with his thumbs. It was different.

"Hongjoong," Seonghwa's voice was quiet, so quiet that Hongjoong could've missed it. But he sounded so broken, so and Hongjoong felt the guilt eating away at him.

"Yes?" 

There was a long pause and Hongjoong was starting to think that he imagined it all, but then Seonghwa's spoke up, the words tugging at his heart.

"Please... Please don't make me leave tonight,"

"I won't. _Not again, Seonghwa. Never again._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now we're all sobbing (but at least they're making progress yay?) 
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> okay so i think there's going to be one last chapter and then it's over, but i might make a sequel if you guys want??
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> ty for continuing to read <3 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated ! :( thank you for reading,,, i love you all 


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